Sunday, November 16, 2008
Flashback
Flash... Flash. Light to dark. Flash... flashback. Trust given, betrayal, trust lost. A lost sense of reality. What is real? Who can you trust? Who is really real? Humiliated, disgusted, feeling so stupid. Go back and stop it. You can't, but learn from it. It wasn't your fault. It was all a lie, no truths, just empty promises. It's done, it's over. Can't hurt you now. Let go. Let go of it. Let it ALL go. Move on. Flashback. Back to flash... flash... flash...
Music's Power
I am often in awe at how music can have the power to move a person so much, almost to the point that they can in a sense, feel that song. One song can stir up buried emotions, can bring someone to tears, or bring about the feeling of ultimate calmness.
One song in particular does this to me. "Central Park" (from the King Kong soundtrack) is a song that awakens my very soul and allows me to feel an array of emotions. At first I become completely aware of the serenity I feel as I listen to another person's creation. I feel as if all the stress is taken away and for just a moment I have total happiness.
As quickly as that happiness came, it is taken away by the sense of abandonment and isolation. Suddenly I'm alone. I feel cold and everything becomes dark all around me.
But then, all other emotions aside, the music unexpectedly brings me back to life. I'm feeling hope again. Its at this point that I realize my life has meaning and I feel optimistic about the journey ahead. I feel compelled and driven to create art that will move someone the way this song moves me. To bring even just one person to feel the amazement and wonder of my work would bring me contentment.
Its truly miraculous what music can do.
One song in particular does this to me. "Central Park" (from the King Kong soundtrack) is a song that awakens my very soul and allows me to feel an array of emotions. At first I become completely aware of the serenity I feel as I listen to another person's creation. I feel as if all the stress is taken away and for just a moment I have total happiness.
As quickly as that happiness came, it is taken away by the sense of abandonment and isolation. Suddenly I'm alone. I feel cold and everything becomes dark all around me.
But then, all other emotions aside, the music unexpectedly brings me back to life. I'm feeling hope again. Its at this point that I realize my life has meaning and I feel optimistic about the journey ahead. I feel compelled and driven to create art that will move someone the way this song moves me. To bring even just one person to feel the amazement and wonder of my work would bring me contentment.
Its truly miraculous what music can do.
Sunset
I just saw something amazing. A sunset, so simple and ordinary, yet so powerful and unique. While storm clouds cover much of the sky, there was a sunset, just above the mountains. Pinks and oranges of all shades present. Much like my life right now, storm clouds are looming. Dark and threatening, they have the power to take control. But then I see that sunset, so beautiful, and I'm reminded that I always have tomorrow. I have another chance to take control. I can make my days bright while the dark clouds linger and the storms rage on. I have hope, and that is simply amazing.
I can...Do It All!
I wrote this back in Feb. while on campus. I was sitting in the institute building, frustrated about something. So I took out a paper and pen and this is what I got.
How can I do it all? I'm only one person. Stressed out! Life is so crazy sometimes. So much I want to do, but so much holding me back. Money, job, fear. How can I get past it all and make it work? Is that even possible? Can someone really do so much or do they just fail? Can a person really succeed at all their lives goals? If they can't then what is the point of a goal? There would be no point. We all would be going about our pointless lives trying to succeed at the impossible. How crappy is that? But what if someone can do everything they want? Suddenly the pointless becomes something with a point. Something that we strive for. All the ambition or drive in us to get that one thing we want. What is that one thing I want? Is it really just one thing, or is a multiple things mixed into one? You can't make cookies with just sugar or just flour. You need a lot more. So it is with multiple goals with the end result being the person I am. Money? Thats not it. Fame? Could be. But is it worth it? Is that my focus? The fame or money. Or do I do it because I enjoy it?
Sometimes I wish I could just escape reality and life and just do this. Take away all time and responsibility and all the stress of everyday life and just exist. Just do what I enjoy. But is that healthy? Should a person just run from their problems to do nothing? Are the goals we set for ourselves, even if failed, healthy for us? Yeah, I think they are. They give us a purpose and a drive. A passion for doing what we want. Not the things we have to do, but the things that we want to do, that bring us joy. Its more than just existing. Its creating. By setting goals we are creating for ourselves a better life. We create and choose where we want to go and what we want to be. Suddenly I realize that merely existing is not enough. I have to do more than just exist to be happy. I need goals and direction. I need that ambition and that feeling of being so compelled to do something. In that I can find my happiness and joy. This is where I can find purpose. This is how I can do it all.
How can I do it all? I'm only one person. Stressed out! Life is so crazy sometimes. So much I want to do, but so much holding me back. Money, job, fear. How can I get past it all and make it work? Is that even possible? Can someone really do so much or do they just fail? Can a person really succeed at all their lives goals? If they can't then what is the point of a goal? There would be no point. We all would be going about our pointless lives trying to succeed at the impossible. How crappy is that? But what if someone can do everything they want? Suddenly the pointless becomes something with a point. Something that we strive for. All the ambition or drive in us to get that one thing we want. What is that one thing I want? Is it really just one thing, or is a multiple things mixed into one? You can't make cookies with just sugar or just flour. You need a lot more. So it is with multiple goals with the end result being the person I am. Money? Thats not it. Fame? Could be. But is it worth it? Is that my focus? The fame or money. Or do I do it because I enjoy it?
Sometimes I wish I could just escape reality and life and just do this. Take away all time and responsibility and all the stress of everyday life and just exist. Just do what I enjoy. But is that healthy? Should a person just run from their problems to do nothing? Are the goals we set for ourselves, even if failed, healthy for us? Yeah, I think they are. They give us a purpose and a drive. A passion for doing what we want. Not the things we have to do, but the things that we want to do, that bring us joy. Its more than just existing. Its creating. By setting goals we are creating for ourselves a better life. We create and choose where we want to go and what we want to be. Suddenly I realize that merely existing is not enough. I have to do more than just exist to be happy. I need goals and direction. I need that ambition and that feeling of being so compelled to do something. In that I can find my happiness and joy. This is where I can find purpose. This is how I can do it all.
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